OH GOD MY LIFE IS REAL!!!

So here it is finals week but I am done stressing. My last final is tomorrow in calc, but I feel I am doomed and I can't really worry about it too much! Maybe God will feel the need to bless me with a stroke of genius, but I think he would have to change all my semester grades to make a difference! It sucks, but hey at least I know I can only go up!!!
Ahhhhh on to another note... Saff and I are moving into a house this week. Finally....I am so tired of living in a fraterninty house!!! Dirty, smelly, loud, and most of all inconvenient!!!! Yes this is going to make me much happier..... Plus it will be more private........no roomate! He's happy about it too...... maybe even more happy than I am. It's wierd our relationship has developed. At first things weren't going well at all, and I thought we would never work out, but for some reason I really liked him (most likely b/c I thought I could not have him) and I kept hanging around! Now we are pretty serious..... I really have grown to love him, and I think of us as a little family of our own. We went out to dinner with his father tonight. It was the first time I have met him. I talked a lot, but I couldn't stand the silence I know would have overcome us had I not kepy up the conversation. Meeting his mom was a bit easier. She knew how to keep up the conversation with me a lot better, which is understandable, she is a woman. Plus I think she was more interested in me that Staff's dad was, but it was fun all the same!
I was named a Delt Sweetheart this past Fri. and I was given a big brother. I got John Mike, and I was really excited about it. He's one of my favorite brothers and we have gotten along really well since we first met at the beginning of the year! It was fun echanging gifts, but I am more excited to just have a big bro!!!
On to a whole new subject. I found a webpage that has one of my favorite Dr. Seuss poems/rhymes and I think I am going to post it HERE so you can read it and hopefully be inspired by it like I am!!!!!
Thats all for now... I'm out!!!!!

Life's got a plan right???


Many times in my life I have justified my worngful actions and the bad events of my life as just part of the overall plan! Lifes overall scheme. But by thinking this way I often lett myself off the hook when I should probably discipline myself instead. I think I often give people the wrong impression of who I really am, and often even people that should know me inside and out don't even have a clue! It's like my life is simply a game. When do I act as which part of myself and which part is te "real me"????????? These type of questions scare the hell out of me to be quite honest with you!!! But they invade my head and pick at me until I give in and am foced to consider the answers. The answer is "MANIPULATION" thats my whole plan, and the slogan "I can be whatever and whoever you want me to be" and that goes for every single person we meet. I change to fit each personality, until a common ground is found and compatibility evolves. But then let me ask you tis. Do they also change for me ??? and if they do does that mean that we are both two different people than we were before we met, and then does that mean we are not one person, but many living one extended life in which we each take our turn having control over this person> in my case >Tessa> ME???? !!!!!! Can you even comprehend the thought behind what I have just said? maybe you can and maybe you can't. I have no way of knowing, it doesn't really matter anyway. I will not be the person who wrote this in a little while anyway, so I have no concern for what is to come, because when it does another personality will have overcome me and I> the Tessa of today will no longer be! think about that for a whil.... just for fun> don't worry it's still me >.....just Tessa writing here!!!!!! or is it?

So I am trying a new technique to improve my mood. I swear on anything that brith control has affected my mood so much and not in a good way eiher!!!! I find myself so offended and upset and wanting to argue over the tiniest things. I wish I had more close friends here at Tech. Pretty much it is just Mel that I have. I have Stafford but I wouldn't call him to help me when I am in one of those moods. Im not sure he would know how to handle that, or he migh tjust thik I am psycho!!!!! Which now that I think about it................maybe I am!!!! hahaha Well my technique................. I am trying to simply watch my every single move, which is not easy but necessary for tis to work. Then every comment that I dont like 100% I have to analyze and find whats good in it and just see that part of the comment. Insanity is a way of life!!!! OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!

So my week is off to a great start. I attended all of my classes yesterday and today. I even went to an extra calculus study session Monday. Ahhhh yes I am on a role being productive!!! Lovely. Really though I do feel good about myself. I was a bit sick yesterday but I am feeling much better which is just adding to my already good mood. I have a good ammount of work to get done, but I feel prepared so it should not be too difficult! The past few days have really been an awakening for me as well. I have started to realize so many things. Some of them are very obvious things that I just chose to ignore for a while, but some of the other things I am beginning to realize are extremely complicated. I am not even sure I could explain my thoughts to anyone else. Its been difficult enough harboring the thoughts in my head and attempting to get them all organized. I dont even dare to try at this time to tell you about them, that may come later but it will take my full concentration and effort and I am to lazy to do all that right now. Plus I think it really might exhaust me and I need to be energized today so I can continue being productive. I am really happy with my relationship with Stafford. Things are going really well, and I feel like he understands me so much more now. Melody (my best friend) and I have not been seeing too much of each othr the past few days. I think it could possibly be a good thing. Whenevr we are together we always have intentions to be very productive but we always end up not getting anything we set out to do done. Plus her boyfriend (Mike) and I have some conflicts. I just think he is really inconsiderate a lot of the time and I think she could do better, but she makes her decisions not me. So I have been trying to stay away from that topic because all it does is get me irritated and I dont need that right now. What I need is just some time to get myself all the way together and on the right track. Balancing all the things that I want to do can be very difficult. I guess the best way is just to cut out some things all together. Things like wasting time bitching about mike, and going out all the time, talking on the phone way too much, insisting on going out to eat (time and money wasted> really bad combination, and sometimes that even means that I need to cut back on the time I spend with certain people. Not that I dont love the time we spend together (Mel and I) its just that I dont think we work well together. Too much temptation to chit-chat and we both have a lot of organizing to do in our lives. But thats enough for now,time is flying by so Im going to go! Be back when I have another free moment and am in the mood, who knows maybe it will be the crazy thoughts i have in my next entry. Bye

On to a good topic of conversation. Lets see...... Well I am on my fall break and thats very nice. I only have to go to class three days this week. So far on break I have partied a bit (what do you expect from a college girl???), I went home to visit my mom, grandmother, and 2 out of 3 of my little sisters (one was on vacation herself), and I lost fifty bucks to my boyfriend (stafford) betting that Tennessee would beat Georgia in the football game last night. Today was a lazy day. I didnt get up until 2 o'clock and all I have done is sit around in a slightly altered state all day. Tomorrow Stafford and I are supposed to go down to visit his family and go out on the lake!!! FUN FUN! I will probably use Tues. to my advantage and do something constructive, like get caught up with sme of my schoolwork! YEAH RIGHT, like that will happen, but whatever!

Well ok I guess I might have over reacted about my intro not publishing correctly. I did publish it, but not until after I published my obscene comment about it not publishing. You must forgive me!!! My fuse really isnt so short it just comes off that way sometimes. But its all good now!!!

Well Well Well I am starting my own personal blog. Ha, I guess thats funny because I thought blogging was such a stupid thing when I was first assigned to do it for my english class. I constanly joked about how dumb it was, but somehow I grew to like it and now feel the desire to create a personal blog that I can freely express myself in and share any thoughts and feelings I want! AH- what a relief. I hate the feeling of being bottled up and not knowing who to go and talk to. Sometimes you just feel like a burden to others. Why the fuck can't I get everything sorted out in my life .... people have to be tired of hearing me bitch and then do nothing to solve my problems. So I'm starting a bitching blog..... don't get discouraged there will be plenty of funny happy entries but I feel the need to call my blog that so that I'm comfortable bitching here when I do need to. I don't really have any expectations for this blog... it just is what it is!!!!! I am not here to prove anything. I just want to write and release my energy in some constructive way. So thats what this is all about!!!!!!!!!!!!

what the fuck I swear I just wrote a log ass intro to my blog and it did not publish, so i guess there isn't going to be an intro since i do not have enough patience to re-write what I had already written. So you can check it out, my blog i mean and if you like it good, if you dont thats just too damn bad!!!!!!!